if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
