No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
