oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
you inspire me to be a worse person
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
