I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
