Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
