dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
