Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
