its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
