I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
