I wish I could teleport
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
