Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
