Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
