I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
