I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
