Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
She even gives head with a lisp.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize