I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
