what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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