yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
