The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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