Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
