I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
