Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
