I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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