On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
