I need help removing her.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
