Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
