id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
