3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Randomize
