member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
