If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
