the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
