Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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