Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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