I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Randomize
