just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize