i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
