Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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