It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
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