have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
