dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
