I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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