It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize