So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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