I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
