The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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