You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
