During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
