You were right. It hurts to walk today.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
wow bdsm is so cute
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
