His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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