Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Success! We fucked roommates!
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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