you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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