It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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