I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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