it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize