Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
