No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
