I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize