you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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