I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
