Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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