it wasn't lemon gatorade
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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