I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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