dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize