i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
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