Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I am mentally ready for anal.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
