Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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