took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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