Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
