his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
