I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
if only i could text you this smell
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
