I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
