That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
