Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
