Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
