Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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