It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize