they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
everyone is single if you try hard enough
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
