Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
