This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
