last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
