Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
We need to rekindle our bromance
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
