You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
