This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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