i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize