Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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