Buhtt sex?
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
