my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
