how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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