yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
