I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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