The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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