It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
