this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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