Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Randomize