how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
