I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I'm getting married
To pizza
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
