Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
