Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
