im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
she told me i tasted like america
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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