S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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