yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
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