You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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