I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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