She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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