The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
