the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
