im holly from the hills drunk
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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