I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
