Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
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