Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
