I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
