I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
