I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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