I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize