We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
