If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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